Woe is me!
Remember the old “Heehaw” television show skit about “bad luck”?
“Gloom, despair and agony on me
Deep dark depression, excessive misery….”
It seems sometimes the world is filled with gloom and doom; news sites, social media posts, and just general conversations seem to be filled with “poor me” declarations. To many people, the world is in disarray, everything is topsy-turvy and empathy has been replaced with hateful thoughts or apathetic pronouncements.
This column, at times, has contributed to the unfettered “noise” of disagreement, simply by stating facts or opinions that are contrary to those held by others.
In an attempt to lighten the mood in this election year, ev3n for a brief moment, let’s share a laugh for four.
James is walking on a downtown street one day, when he sees his old high school friend, Harry, a little way up ahead…
“Hey, Harry, how are you?” He greets his old buddy after getting his attention.
“Not so good,” says Harry.
“Well,” says Harry, “I ‘ve just gone bankrupt and I’ve still got to feed my family…I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“Could’ve been worse,” James replies calmly, “Could have been worse.”
A month or so later, James encounters Harry in a restaurant. “And how are things now?” he asks.
“Terrible!” says Harry, “Our house burned down last night!”
“Could’ve been worse,” James replies calmly, “Could have been worse.”
A month later, James runs into Harry a third time.
“Well, how goes it?” he asks.
“Oh!” says Harry, “Things just get worse and worse. It’s one tragedy after another! Now my wife has left me!”
James nods his head and gives his usual optimistic-seeming little smile, accompanied by his usual “Could’ve been worse.”
This time, Harry grabs James by the shoulders…
“Wait a minute!” he says, “I’m not gonna let you off so easy this time…Three times in the past few months we’ve run into one another, and every time I’ve told you about the latest disaster in my life…Every time you say the same thing: ‘Could’ve been worse…’”
He paused and then said, “This time I want you to tell me, how could it have been any worse?”
James looks at Harry with a little wisp of a smile and says, “Could’ve been worse. Could’ve been me.”
Now, isn’t that better than the newest Truth Social e-blast or an X-plative rant?
Are you in the mood for another chuckle?
A husband and wife are playing golf one weekend; they’re on the 9th green when the wife suddenly collapses.
“Help me dear!” she pleads to her husband…
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, then he picks up his putter and lines up his put.
His wife uses all her remaining strength to raise her head off the green and stares at him as she gasps, “I’m dying here and you’re putting?”
“Don’t worry, dear,” says the husband calmly, “they found a doctor on the second hole and he’s coming to help you.”
“Well, how long will it take for him to get here?” the wife asks feebly.
“Oh, no time at all,” replies her husband. “Everybody’s already agreed to let him play through.”
Okay, at least the golfers got it.
Don’t like long jokes? Me, either.
1.A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
- Jill said to the gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?”
She said, “How flexible are you?” Jill said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
- Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery
acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one go off.
- “Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’”. He
said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.” “Is it common?” I asked. “It’s not unusual” he replied.
- I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
- My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll
see about that.
- A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is
this some kind of joke?”
- A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “because,” he said “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
For this column, if you did not think the jokes were funny, I sincerely apologize. Personally, I laughed and laughed and laughed. And, I’m still smiling!